Snow Globe

Outside of my window the snow is blowing around as if in a snow globe; swirling and swirling, but it never seems to land. It seems as if time outside has stood still though the roads have been plowed and the garbage picked up. The world looks the same, yet entirely different. Inside my small one-bedroom apartment little has changed in days. Sure, different food has been made, the dirty clothes pile grows larger, and dishes continue their cycle of piling and being washed, yet nothing has really changed. It may be me who has changed, or perhaps the stillness of these past few days has given me too much time to reflect on the state of things.  

Isolation does strange things to the mind, even if there is still distant contact with the outside world. There’s something about being physically removed from almost everyone else that makes you feel a little less a part of things. Even though we try to stay in touch through social media and video calls, there is no replacement for physical human contact. Perhaps the hardest part of this whole pandemic is trying to be good little citizens in our private snow globes when our very nature pulls us into the world.  

The biggest impact that Covid-19 has really had on the world is throwing the entire planet in an existential crisis at the same time. We are all wondering who we are, how we fit, what our purpose is, are we strong enough to survive this? We used to follow a schedule, leave the house for school or work, go out, come home, sleep, and repeat it the next day. That worked for us until one day in March of 2020 everything was shaken up and rearranged. Some people had the puzzle pieces fall back into something beautiful, but a lot of us had the pieces fall down and arrange themselves into a lovely mosaic of vomit.  

I do not mean to say that the good parts of life are suddenly gone or that there are not new and wonderful things that have come about since the start of the pandemic. I have found myself coming closer to family and starting a new love. I am able more now to accept my own strengths and shortcomings. I would not have come to this plateau of self-realization if it were not for the existential crisis aided by the isolation of the covid-19 pandemic.  

The mosaic of vomit is simply that everything has been shaken up, old patterns no longer seem to work or, perhaps, they never did. It is an unfortunate fact that I have been trying to shove myself into molds that I wasn’t made for. Being naturally empathetic makes me exceptionally good at customer service jobs, however that has never leant me a creative outlet. Without creativity to feed my soul I feel empty and consequently have become accustomed to running on empty. I don’t think that I am alone in this feeling nor the only person to come to this realization during this time. Typically, it always takes a major shakeup to make us reconsider the lives we lead. It is human nature to drive for equilibrium and, once found, we are reluctant to move from that comfort. However, this yearning to maintain equilibrium can also lead us to accept terrible behaviors and outcomes.  

Though it is human nature to look for and maintain equilibrium, stagnation goes against nature. Even the swirling snow outside will eventually come to rest somewhere. After a time, each snowflake will melt into water. If the water is left alone it will turn to gas, rise back into the atmosphere and begin the whole cycle over again. It is impossible for us to stay still and go with the normal ebb and flow of life. Now is the best time of any to examine our old habits and toss aside those that did not propel us forward in some way. As much as being forced to be still is torture, in our busy society it is also a gift not to be taken lightly. We have time now to remember our accomplishments and plan what type of world we want to build ourselves for the future.  

Snow globes are amusing tiny illusions of a real world that they attempt to represent. Perhaps it is not a good thing to see the real world as an illusion, but giving yourself permission to step outside of your reality for a moment to evaluate it for what it is can hardly be misguided. Change is only painful if you try to fight it, and run against your own nature. It’s time to embrace the idea that we all get to design our own snow globes.