Self Help or Shameless Perfection? An opinion on the self-help journey.

We look at the news and see war, famine, and police brutality. It is clear that the world is in pain yet we are all too small, too insignificant, to do anything about it. We’re told to focus on the things that we can control as the other route will eventually drive us mad. One by one we all end up looking at some form of self-help so that we can improve ourselves to get rid of those terrible qualities that we saw in others. Many times, we are reacting to something in others that we don’t like in ourselves so it makes sense to respond by working on our flaws. However, there is a danger in attempting to make yourself flawless.   

We have all heard the sad tales of someone who could not stop getting plastic surgery or starved themself to death for beauty, but there can also be too much plastic surgery’ on your soul. While we are chopping out the bits that we don’t like we run the risk of chopping out parts that we need, but don’t understand yet. A person may not like that they are quick to anger sometimes, but replacing that response with people-pleasing is not the right answer. Why we have bad behavior is as important as not having that bad behavior. What if someone appears too quick to anger because their boundaries are always being trampled? The solution to this issue is not to let the boundaries be trampled.   

Is our drive to become the best versions of ourselves a pointless fight for perfection?

Perhaps it is better to accept people, and ourselves for that matter, for the imperfect messes that they are. We talk a lot about healing ourselves and resolving our flaws, but do we stop to consider the fact that no one is perfect? It is well to try to think positively, but we should not aim to restrict our self-expression out of fear of breaking that tenant. Negative thoughts will always come, but the trick is to let them go.  

We are not born perfect beings, and will never appear perfect to everyone. We are our flaws as much as we are our graces, and all of them serve a purpose. The world is run on different energies working in harmony together, and not the same note playing forever. While we are on our journey to change consider what sort of harmony you want to play with the song of the universe, and not what qualities a person like you are supposed to have. Do not strive for perfection, but exist perfectly as yourself.   

Who made these rules anyway?

While we are on the subject of considering perfection, ask yourself where your ideas of what is perfect come from. Every society has its idea of what makes the perfect person and what things are complete morality deal breakers. Some things are considered immoral everywhere, and others only make sense when you interpret them from the cultural lenses they come from. For example, everywhere agrees that stealing is bad, but everywhere has its local rules that don’t make sense elsewhere.   

The rules of the society you live in all come around for a reason, but sometimes the rule is followed long after the reason has vanished. Women no longer have to cover their ankles in the US, but some regions still look at them funny if they’re in a bar alone thinking they’re always looking for someone to go home with; paid or for free. I do wonder why it is that societies tend to take the wishful thinking of men and turn it into an expectation.  

We are wonderful beautiful messes.

In conclusion, while we are chopping at becoming perfect, we should consider why we think those qualities are perfect. Every culture makes its guide for morality and sometimes those reasons are subjective or outdated. Even so, perhaps it is unhealthy to push yourself to achieve absolute perfection. If part of you is hurting someone then you should change it. If you cannot function then you should change those bits. However, we will never be entirely perfect because that is not human nature. Do not drive yourself mad trying to achieve something that you weren’t meant for.