Reflections On My Healing Journey – Perspectives on Healing and Gardening

I find myself stuck in self-reflection lately, which may be aided by the change in seasons, and falls’ gentle breezes making their first timid entrance into the world. Before we know it, we won’t be able to ignore fall as dead leaves swirl in the wind, and the temperature drops. Fall is the time of year to reflect on the past year and inventory what you have. As I look at my garden, I think of everything that has brought me here, and though I wish the bad had never happened, the road in entirety is what has led to now.   

This year was the first in a few years that I planted a garden, and it was my boyfriend’s and I’s first garden together. There’s nothing that will make a person feel more connected to this world than growing and harvesting your own food. So many of us live in circumstances where it is hard to have a garden, but all that really means is we need to get more creative in how we grow food. Getting started with gardening is, unfortunately, expensive. The beginning cost does block many with lower incomes from starting at all. Another barrier is that many of us are unable to plant in the ground due to apartment living or renting. In our circumstance, we rent a house where we aren’t allowed to plant inground, so this year was more challenging because we had to learn how to container garden.   

Learning to Container Garden

This year I learned a lot about container gardening, even though we’re still waiting to see what our final harvest will bring, I have already decided that our tomato plants need to be selected better next year in larger planting containers. There are two varieties of tomato plants, and one grows as a bush while the other goes nuts and grows really tall. Some take up more space than others, but when we purchased our plants, they did not specify which one they were on the tags, so we were flying blind. Another mistake we made was waiting too long to get this planting thing off the ground, which is why we had to buy seedings, bought the wrong kinds, and planted them later than we should have. We didn’t anticipate pests or diseases and had to find remedies after our plants had already been affected with Bacterial Leaf Spot and Blossom End Rot. Aphids and ants also made an appearance. Of course, our garden is entirely organic, aside from the plants themselves, which makes it a little harder to control diseases and pests. Gardening is a learning experience, and we have our work cut out for us next year.   

Healing is like watching your garden grow

What draws me to the garden isn’t just the chemical free food, but I like to watch plants grow. It is a lot of work to prepare the soil and plant your seedlings. After that you cross your fingers and hope that a disease, insect infestation, or animal does not destroy your seedlings before they can grow. Afterwards, you hope they can survive whatever wayward animal and insect comes along. As soon as we put the plants in the ground, I warned my boyfriend that we may lose a few plants. As the insects invaded, I reminded him that there would always be some insects, but the hope is to control them so that there won’t be so many that the plant will be overwhelmed and die. Isn’t that just like life? We can’t expect that hard times will never happen, but we can prepare by having the right tools to survive whatever happens. 

The process of healing feels like watching plants grow; progress is slow and all you want is the fruit that comes at the end. Sometimes progress feels so slow we feel like we never made any at all, and we must have failed at healing. Sometimes, we experience a setback and lose a few branches and we may try to convince ourselves that it means failure. Learning coping tools, self-care, and boundaries is a lot like growing your own food. To put it more in perspective, having a bad week of symptoms does not mean that our growth is lost. Forgetting to water ourselves one day will not mean destruction. Forgetting to water ourselves for a week may destroy us, but we can always plant another plant. Unlike plants, we don’t have to wait until harvest season to enjoy the fruits of our labor but will mindfulness we can enjoy them along the way. The fruit of our soul is the little things that will eventually be something big, but everyday upkeep is focusing on the small stuff. 

Accept What has Happened. Celebrate Survival.

There is no way to change the past nor should we hold ourselves accountable for not acting with information that we didn’t have in past events. Furthermore, the reason why we have the information we do now is because of those past events. If those events did not happen, we would not be searching for information on how to deal and cope. Congratulate your past self for surviving the events of the past and being wherever it is that you are now in your journey.   

I have spoken before in regard to grieving the past version of me that was a bunch of emotional scars lighter, and perhaps more functional in society, however lately I feel I may be better off now than I was at any point in the past because of all of the self-work that I have done. If I had not gone through my painful experiences, then this blog would not exist and whoever has found solace in anything I’ve said would not have. There is a ton of art and music I never would have created had my life been easier, and I may not even have a garden. We can’t control what has happened to us that was caused by other actions, only how we react to it and what we do next.   

Everything Has A Beginning

It is sad to watch summer fade knowing that the garden my boyfriend and I have worked hard on will die in a few months. We count our blessings and hope for a good harvest with enough to eat and can for the winter, but we can never know when starting out what kind of harvest there will be. I have had gardens so bountiful that food rotted on the vines and others where my entire crop was destroyed. In life, just like in gardening, we must keep trying and roll with the punches.  

It is hard to keep going when there is no progress seen, but healing is a slow process. Even though the going is slow there will still be small victories along the way. Celebrate every victory and keep pushing forward. When the task ahead seems too daunting to start, remember that everything must start somewhere.