CPTSD : A perspective on the invisible wounds and murder of creativity

Our brains don’t consider creativity to be a survival tool

I have taken an accidental hiatus from writing this blog lately, and I hope this return post is not too disapointing, but I feel it is a good time to explore why it is just so hard to get anything out.

In my previous article https://diaryofafloppingfish.com/2023/09/09/ptsd-and-inflamation-how-our-diet-can-help-or-hinder-our-healing-journey/ I have gone into detail about how trauma inflames our brains. This is an invisible wound that causes a lot of symptoms such as trouble focusing, impulse control, irritability, and generally all of the intrusive symptoms that various forms of PTSD struggle with. According to a study published in 2020 (Kim, 2020) animal models, and human brain imaging show a correlation with those suffering from PTSD and inflammation in hippocampus, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex.

There is a lot that science is just begining to understand, and the resources I have found are pretty fascinating if anyone wants to review them themselves, but my summary on it is that in cases of trauma it appears that our body reacts as it would with any other sickness and the immune system is triggered. Certain immune system mediators cross the blood brain barrier and cause inflamattion to specific parts of our brain in charge of survival and attempts damage mitigation. The symptoms that are caused by our bodies response to stressors are the invisible wounds that we carry with the various forms of PTSD.

Why are we expected to apologize for symptoms of our disorder?

Many people who have CPTSD or a similar disorder have a difficult time keeping meaningful personal realtionships and it is not because we self isolate. I self isolate because I am trying to heal and it is very difficult to do so while feeling bad about constantly zoning out when someone I love is talking, or being disregulated and losing the ability to multitask temporarily and having to fill expectations for dinner to our loved ones. It is easier to self isolate than get side eye for taking self care time. If the injury was physical and we were recoving we wouldn’t have to explain these things or feel bad about them, but because it is internal we do.

Of course, having to explain repeatedly why we have to care for ourselves the way we do or why we are limited how we are is bad enough, but then consider the toxic shame and guilt that those with CPTSD typically suffer from and we have a perfect recipe for emotional disaster. For many of us recovering from abusive relationships with family, significatnt others, friends, ect. part of the way we were abused was control of our time. I could not do anything for myself without playing 20 questions as to why and all the details and still getting the look of disaproval. I used to work early mornings doing stock and merchandising and would take a name at 2 pm or so when I got home, and my aunt would come home and get mad at me for being in pajamas. I was almost 30 at the time, paying her rent to live there, and my real mom was very much alive. There was no reason I should have had to explain myself. So now, when those close to me try to control me in that way, I am very triggered. Maybe it’s a healthy trigger and no one should be controlling like that, but only time will tell as I heal and set boundaries.

Creativity is not a survival skill

I know that for me as a person I need to be creative to survive. However, when we are in adverse situations and our brains begin to behave in survival mode our creativity gets stunted. In order to be creative we need to be able to feel relaxed and until our symptoms are under control we will not be able to. The real kicker is that even after symptoms are mostly under control, a bad fight with a loved one can quickly bring back hypervigilance and depression for maybe days and there goes all that time that was planned for whatever creative outlet one may have had planned.

Advise to loved ones of someone with a form of PTSD

Be kind to us. We have been through things that we would not wish on our worse enemies. We are struggling to recover and make ourselves fit into a cruel world. If you hae a loved one with a mental disorder please look up information on it and education yourself. Stop blaming your loved ones for acting in ways that they did not choose and cannot control. What matters is that they are doing what they can to get better and be more functional. Therapy is not for everyone, but there are a lot of options out there and many forms of professional help. Stop blaming your loved ones for suffering and instead you need to be supportive of what they can do, and help them to heal.

There are support groups for loved ones of disorders and diseases the same as there are for the suferers. If you love someone, but are still having trouble coping with their limitations then consider a support group. Consider going to therapy yourself. Whatever you do, don’t perpetuate the same behavior that screwed up your loved one in the first place.

References:

Kim TD, Lee S, Yoon S. Inflammation in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): A Review of Potential Correlates of PTSD with a Neurological Perspective. Antioxidants. 2020; 9(2):107. https://doi.org/10.3390/antiox9020107